with Saara Rei
Humiliation is the emotion you feel when your status is lowered in front of others. Shame, on the other hand, is a sort-of subset of humiliation; it is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of “wrong” or “foolish” behaviour.
The Latin root of the word humiliation, humus, means "earth" or "dirt." Humiliation can be understood as the public collapse of one's claims to status or identity. In private, this might simply manifest as embarrassment or painful self-awareness. Humiliation, however, is not necessarily shameful. For example, one could argue that Jesus was humiliated by being crucified, but did not feel shame (or so I’ve been told - I wasn’t there).
Shame is more personal. It’s often considered a subset of humiliation - an internalised, painful reaction to the awareness of having acted “wrongly” or “foolishly.” What triggers shame in someone is deeply subjective and shaped by culture, upbringing, and lived experience. In many ways, shame is a mirror, reflecting our relationship to the social worlds we inhabit - both those we choose and those imposed upon us.
In this workshop, we will explore what it means to humiliate and be humiliated, to shame and be shamed. We’ll reflect on how these experiences function in our personal and cultural lives, and how they can become tools - or playthings - within conscious kink practices.
We’ll unpack:
The difference between shame and humiliation
How these concepts operate psychologically and socially
Ways in which kink play can consciously engage with these experiences
Why some people are drawn to shame or humiliation in kink - and why others may find it challenging
We’ll also engage in guided exercises designed to help you explore these themes at your own comfort level. Participation can take many forms - from discussion to mini play scenes to quiet observation. No one is required to do anything beyond what feels right for them. Just being present is a form of contribution, and often exactly what’s needed to create a supportive, secure space.
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This workshop is open to everyone, regardless of experience level. Please note that we will be discussing and potentially engaging with sensitive themes, including emotional discomfort, shame, and social identity. Saara Rei is not a licensed therapist or clinician, but she is a trained and experienced facilitator and mediator who will do her best to hold safe space for those who participate.
Participation is always consensual. You are in control of your experience, and everything is optional—including feeling the feelings themselves.
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Wear comfortable clothing you feel safe and good in. You’re also welcome to bring costumes, outfits, or accessories that might relate to your personal experiences of shame or humiliation. This might include:
Sex toys
Household or kitchen items
Food
Pet toys
Mirrors
Hats or roleplay accessories
Objects, fantasies, or stories that evoke these themes for you
Let your imagination lead the way—whatever speaks to your relationship with shame and humiliation is welcome.
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Saara Rei is a workshop facilitator and performance artist with a background in music, dance, education, and public speaking. Saara's work generally centres around the exploration of suffering, both physical and emotional. Through their kink practice, Saara has come to understand that suffering comes from the comparison of what has been or could be to the present moment. And with that, Saara enjoys teaching about how to use suffering as a path to presence and enjoyment in life.
Images: Flyer photo by Nicolas Arnoys